i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
