i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
