1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i permit you to call me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
