Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
