if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
