What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
