I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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