The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
