did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
