she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
