fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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