it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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