STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
