i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize