Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
