420 ftw
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
