You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
