i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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