the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize