i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
