we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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