It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
