I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
