Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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