I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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