the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
