I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
