swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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