You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
