My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is Oprah even human
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
