I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
