dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
