Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
