I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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