the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
