apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
