At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize