You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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