i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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