She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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