Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
