recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
