I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
