I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
