Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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