I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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