i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
