I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
