where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
