I look better un-naked...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
