Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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