As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize