I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
