yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
