sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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