This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
