Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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