how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I dropped her off at home and her fiancรฉ was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize