I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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