one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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