i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
