his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
