Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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