i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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