Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
