it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
