They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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