That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
