she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
