Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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