i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
