i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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