i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize