clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
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