Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
