apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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