Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
