We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
