Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
