I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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