I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
